The most gut-wrenching thing happened yesterday. It was only a matter of time before it happened and it finally did. I work 3 days a week at UIC, near downtown Chicago (a good ride from home). Yesterday, while I was at work, I got the call I have been dreading since I started back at work 9 months ago. My sitter calls me at 9:45 am. I see the name on the caller ID and have a knot in my stomach. You see, Joshua had been acting a little weird for about a day and a half. I chalked it up to post-birthday party letdown and over stimulation since his schedule was not normal for last weekend. Yesterday morning, he was SUPER sad. Very clingy and odd. Nothing seemed to be severely wrong, however, and so Andy dropped him off at the sitters. So when I saw her name on the caller ID I knew it was because he was sick and I was a TERRIBLE mom for going to work anyway.
Now, back to that phone call. The sitter tells me that Joshua has had 2 watery diarrhea diapers so far that morning. He also been more lethargic than usual (odd for Mr. Destructo). I freak out. I let her know that I will be there ASAP, find a few people at work to tell where I will be (since I am leaving), call the doctor, make an appointment for the afternoon, all while beating myself up for working and not being there to take care of my little guy. I had a sad and self-incriminating drive to pick him up.
When I get to her place, he looks really tired, but happier than when I left for work that morning, yay! We drive up to my folks house and chill there. He gets happier and happier and by after the afternoon nap he is his normal self again. I go to the doctor anyway, get reassurance that he will be fine and to be careful what I feed him for a few days and make sure he doesn't get a temperature. So overall it turned out OK. Last night he was back to squirming and discovering everything to make a mess in our house again.
I am sure there will be many incidents like this in the future as I balance being a working mom. I am trying not to beat myself up about this and feel blessed to have such a conscientious caregiver, great family, and flexible and mostly understanding work. But oh, I was so sad :(.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Laura (Mama) posts
Posted by Laura S at 7:50 AM
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3 comments:
If I had to choose one word to describe life's most difficult challenges it would be that all illusive BALANCE. It is so hard to strike the perfect balance as a woman, wife, friend, mother, professional...and other the other hats we want to/are forced to wear. You are doing it with style! No need to beat yourself up! Joshua's a lucky boy!
What Kate said. Good moms like you don't need to spend any time doubting their abilities. Just keep doing a good job!
girl, so sorry! not matter if you are at home or at work motherhood seems to be about guilt most days. I think we women need to start patting each other on the back for the awesome things we do and are- I'll start with you! You rock & Joshua is super lucky (so is "Andy Studee")!!
*and so I am to have you as a mama friend!
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