I have been having a lot of thoughts about leaving work lately. Sometimes I am super excited, sometimes I am terrified, but mostly I am bewildered. I know I will have a lot to DO every day (Joshua is pretty good at keeping me busy), but what of greater significance will I be acomplishing. I am beginning to doubt my abilty to be a good role model for Joshua -- he can make me angry somedays I am afraid of losing my temper. I also worry about not spending my time well, wasting it. At work, I always had a list of projects to do, at home I have a list of projects, but they are not nearly as fun (I prefer designing databases and doing stat analysis to taking care of my house anyday). Also, at this point I think I will be returning to a job someday and what the heck will that be?
I think I am also having a hard time because I am leaving this job feeling like I failed. I failed as a working mom and it is hard to deal with. I didn't have the chops to do a job and be a mom. This is where my comparing myself to others always comes back to bite me. So and so does it. I know I could do it if I pushed myself and made myself and my family miserable, but I have determined that cost is too high, but still the question remains, why can't I do it all? Anyway, so that is where I am, in a place of really needing words of encouragement because YIKES! IN three days I will be a stay-at-home mom. Good friends (you know who you are), keep me accountable to not trying to find another career path or job for the 1st month I am home. I need to really seek God on what I should do, and not start working on something else right away.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Thoughts on leaving work
Posted by Laura S at 10:55 PM
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5 comments:
You did NOT fail. The system of work (particularly your field) has failed you! Seriously. Your quitting was a huge act of courage to take the next step in your life. Will non-moms give you kudos - probably not. Don't listen to them. As an artist (so far) it was been hammered into us 1) not to give your work away and 2) Don't take advice from non artists. Same applies to you - don't take criticism from non moms - they just don't know.
I'm excited for you on this new journey as a SAHM. It's a tough adjustment - self identity and worth-wise. You're just such a hard workin' midwesterner. Also - it will give Andy a chance to feel great as a provider of his family. One thing that I noticed husbands don't say they like but really do.
We'll keep busy! Welcome to the mix!
Laur,
This is something we'll discuss off line, for sure. There is much here to discuss. But I never look at your situation and think that you failed! Hardly! You hung in there despite some unpleasant situations! You worked hard! This is never going to be an easy transition becauase so much of our identies is what we "do". This time will be such a blessing for you as you have other friends in the area for play dates and you'll be able to really see Joshua grow in ways you can't do as a working mom.
Give yourself some time to adjust. All of these transitions take so much time and courage. In time, you'll find your groove! We'll see where God leads you next!
And your blog profile has some good early ideas of what you can do. You yourself said, "I love to cook, bake, and be in the kitchen, but don't have enough time." Maybe now (maybe??) you'll have a wee bit more time. I'll be thinking of you. Let's chat next week.
Hugs, Megan
Laura,
I absolutely agree with Beck. It's a shame that women are penalized for making the most important decision of all--to have children. Shame on employers for not valuing part-time employees who are full-time moms. I am finding out first-hand how difficult it is to work and mother, so my hat goes off to you for your accomplishments. Enjoy this well-deserved break from work!
Laura, I get how you feel and struggle with "did I make the right decision?" feelings all the time. What you will accomplish as a stay at home mom might be less tangible than what you did at work, but no less meaningful. And by the way, loosing your temper with Joshua is bound to happen--it happens to all of us--it's human. The lesson you can teach him is that even mommy makes mistakes and how to say you're sorry and move past it. Nobody is perfect. I bet those women to whom you're comparing yourself don't feel like they've been totally successful, either.
Good luck in your last few days. Call if you need a stay at home buddy! Isaac would love to play with Joshua!
Laura, your step to be a stay-at-home mom is an amazing commitment. My mom did so with four of us and to this day, I have no idea how she did it. But I look back and am so grateful that she and Dad made the commitment to raise their kids instead of, dare I say, taking the easier route and having someone else do it. I hope that didn't come across badly but I really commend you for taking this step. I pray that both you and Joshua and Andy are blessed by it.
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